Crap Joke No.83840370

[droopsnoot]

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them."

"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," replies the Indian, "I can see under the gate."

[jason]

How did everyone get on with the Grand National yesterday? I lost my money on my two bets. Some bloke down the pub told me to go for Landfill but that was a rubbish tip! I also went for Loose Button but it came off at the last! I wish I'd gone for Dusty Rug who's never been beaten and Creasoat who's great over the fences! Polo neck is a great Jumper as well!

[MiB81]

Xmas crackers, in April? Extraordinary.

[jason]

Xmas crackers, in April? Extraordinary.

I forgot to pull them at Xmas!

[droopsnoot]

I was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said, "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."

"Oh…" she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

[HOFT]

Today was Palm Sunday !

Which hand did you use to rub one off ?

[droopsnoot]

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.

[droopsnoot]

I've just been nominated for the worlds most secretive person!!

I can't tell you what this means to me.

[MiB81]

I've just been nominated for the worlds most secretive person!!

I can't tell you what this means to me.

The thesaurus I ordered from Amazon has just arrived, and all the pages are blank.
I've no words to tell you just how angry I am.

[droopsnoot]

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

We now call him Dr. Awkward.

[HOFT]

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What does the garlic do when it gets too hot ?
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Takes its cloves off !
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[HOFT]

You know that it is important to keep your sex toys clean ?
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That is why priests came up with baptisms !
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