Crap Joke No.83840370

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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Ive been going out with a really nice girl recently who is champion Javelin thrower but she's just chucked me! :grin:
Palais23
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Palais23 »

droopsnoot wrote: 15 Nov 2023, 14:33 Once upon a time in the USA, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belongings and sent him off the high school.

You might think that a wasp wouldn't do very well in a high school, and normally you'd be right. This wasp, however, was not only extremely smart, but also very good with people. He had a natural gift for speaking that made everyone adore him and hang on his every word. He was elected class president all four years and graduated as his class's valedictorian with a perfect 4.0 GPA. This wasp was so smart, in fact, that he got a full scholarship to study at Harvard.

He wanted to use his gifts to help lead people forward, so he left his hometown to go and study politics. As I said before, this wasp was quite possibly the smartest wasp in history, and had no problem acing all of his classes. Four years later he received his bachelor's degree, graduating at the top of his class.

The wasp moved to Atlanta, Georgia, where he got a job in city government and quickly rose to prominence. After a few years he decided to run for mayor. Many people in the city were understandably concerned. After all, a wasp mayor is not a common thing. The wasp was such a powerful speaker, though, that he managed to just barely eke out a victory. Once in office, his intellect and shrewdness proved to be exactly what the city needed. In the space of two years, crime and poverty had dropped to record lows, and the people were happier than ever.

After proving himself as mayor of a major city for a few terms, the wasp decided to run for governor of the whole state. The people of Atlanta were, of course, behind him 100%, but the rural areas of the state were much more sceptical. The wasp travelled around the state extensively, meeting with small business owners and key figures in small towns. His humble beginnings and down-to-earth nature proved enough to get him elected, the first wasp governor in American history.

Just as he had in Atlanta, the wasp quickly turned to the business of revitalizing the state. Under his steady hand, Georgia experienced a rebirth of art and culture and prosperity spread throughout the state. Many other states took note of his reforms and began implementing similar policies elsewhere in the country.

Once he had served three terms as governor of Georgia the wasp decided it was time to go for the big one: President of the United States. It was a long, hard-fought campaign and most media outlets predicted a loss for the wasp. After all, how could a wasp ever be elected President? It's simply unheard of. The wasp shocked the world, though, when on election day voters turned out in record numbers to vote for him. Many questions were raised about the legality of a wasp president following his stunning victory, but since the Constitution never specified that a human is required for the office the courts let the result stand.

As the wasp served his first term as President, many crises came and went, but always the wasp guided the country through with confidence. After four of the most prosperous years in recent memory the wasp won re-election in a landslide. Four more years passed and the country had to say good-bye to one of the greatest presidents ever to serve.

The wasp decided that he had done enough in his life and retired from politics. He hadn’t been home in many years and he missed his family. So the wasp went back to his hometown and the nest where he grew up. The nest was ecstatic at his return and threw a grand party in his honour. There was dancing, games, drinks, good friends, and everything else a good party needs.

After the wasp had been dancing for quite a while he’d worked up quite a thirst and had heard that his mother had made her famous punch for the party, The wasp was slightly worried, however. His mother's punch was so good, that there could very well be fifty other wasps all waiting to get some. As he neared the refreshments table, though, he was pleasantly surprised to see that there was no punch line.
I hope you copied and paste this!
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

I bought a TV from a Charity Shop for a pound today! It had a sticker on it saying " the volume switch is broken so it's stuck on maximum volume." I thought to myself, well I can't turn that down!!!! :grin:
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Waffle waitress »

I guy is up for a job interview, and the interviewer asks him, "What would you consider to be your biggest weakness?" The guy replies, "Honesty. I'm honest with everyone, l don't know how to be anything but completely honest with anyone l meet."
The interviewer says, " l don't really see how honesty could be considered a weakness, in fact l consider honesty to be a great strength. "
And the guy says, " l don't give a fuck what you think."
(all that's missing is the choker)

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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Waffle waitress »

I've tried to give up swearing, but l just cunt.
(all that's missing is the choker)

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Palais23
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Palais23 »

Waffle waitress wrote: 17 Nov 2023, 11:26 I've tried to give up swearing, but l just cunt.
That's a hole in one!
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Palais23 wrote: 17 Nov 2023, 19:27
Waffle waitress wrote: 17 Nov 2023, 11:26 I've tried to give up swearing, but l just cunt.
That's a hole in one!
I've just bought some new golfing socks and I've already got a hole in one!
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

They say that Mafia members are nasty people, but while growing up, I lived next door to one and he was actually a nice guy.

In fact, every morning, he paid me £20 just to start his car.
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PJayBe
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PJayBe »

I once had a job as a wringer out for a one armed window cleaner.
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

PJayBe wrote: 24 Nov 2023, 15:20 I once had a job as a wringer out for a one armed window cleaner.
He had anger issues didn't he? Constantly losing his rag!!!! :grin:
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Waffle waitress »

Just for a laugh l grafted a pair of boobs onto my new Telecaster guitar …
Now I'm on the sexy Fenders register.
(all that's missing is the choker)

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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

I just passed Wind on my local high street. I wish I'd asked him if he is still in touch with Earth and Fire.
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