Crap Joke No.83840370

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Summer Dreamer
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer » 14 Sep 2019, 12:52

MiB81 wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 19:06
Ok, and whilst we may be on the subject,
I was in the local Turkish Vegan restaurant last Tuesday,
about 9pm, and when the waiter came over I thought,
I'm not taking any of their usual shit, and I shouted,
"NO, I don't want to hear anything from you, sir, about
the famous Coventry ska revivalists The Specials!"
The waiter looked a bit hurt, and muttered that he thought
that was very bad manners.
"NO" I once again screamed, "this is very Bad Manners!"
and started a loud chorus of My Boy Lollipop whilst
Can Caning around the restaurant, pouring Special Brew
past my lolling, extended tongue.
I think you Selectered the wrong restaurant.
'Scaffolding pays good bread'

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PaulinLondon
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon » 14 Sep 2019, 13:10

Lime pickle, mint sauce, onion salad.

:smt007 :fire:
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 24 Sep 2019, 18:53

What have Thomas Cook and Gerry McCann got in common?

They'll take you on holiday, but won't bring you home.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

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MiB81
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by MiB81 » 02 Oct 2019, 12:32

How do you get a fat girl into bed?





Piece of cake

......


piece of cake



....


piece of cake
...I'm making lists of all the people I love,
and all the cunts that should fuck off...

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 04 Oct 2019, 18:24

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Interesting. Please, take a seat.
Patient: I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

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Boody
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Boody » 04 Oct 2019, 21:20

droopsnoot wrote:Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Interesting. Please, take a seat.
Patient: I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
That is a funny and clean joke Image quite unusual
I can't help getting old. I just refuse to grow up.

jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason » 05 Oct 2019, 06:36

I went to the doctors because I keep thinking I'm a moth. I waited in reception and then went into a room. I said to the man please help me I'm convinced I'm a moth. He said you are in the wrong room. The doctor is further down the corridor this is the admin room. I said well it's your bloody fault for leaving the light on!

Summer Dreamer
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer » 08 Oct 2019, 14:05

Patient: "I keep thinking I'm an island off the toe of Italy."
Doctor: "Don't be so silly."
'Scaffolding pays good bread'

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 23 Oct 2019, 19:00

Two astronauts are on the International Space Station.

Astronaut 1: Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee.

Astronaut 2: In space, no-one can. Here, use cream.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 24 Oct 2019, 18:21

The Liverpool manager has resigned and is taking his family back to Germany.

Yes, the Klopps go back this weekend.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

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parasiteinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by parasiteinblack » 24 Oct 2019, 22:13

My Dad just phoned me and told me this one...

Do you know the Canary Islands?
There aren't any canaries there.
Do you know the Virgin Islands?
There aren't any canaries there either...
"I woke up on a good day, and the world was wonderful"

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cerdan6899
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by cerdan6899 » 28 Oct 2019, 09:16

I really did have a tough upbringing. Both my parents were midgets, they found it hard to put food on the table.
i want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live

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