Crap Joke No.83840370

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kjblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by kjblack »

A man holidays in Bangkok and visits a massage parlour.

He's taken to a private room and undresses. He asks the pretty masseuse if there are any 'extras'.

"You want wank? Ten dolla' mo' "

He hands over the money and she leaves the room.

Ten minutes later the masseuse returns.

"You feenish?"
zontar
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by zontar »

A bloke enters an oriental slophouse for lunch. When he's finished and settling his tab, the manager queries, "So, how you like meal?"
Customer: "The chicken was rubbery."
Manager: "Oh, sank you very much!"

Cue the gong music.
Russ65
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Russ65 »

I went to a Dyslexic Convention/disco the other night. It was a great evening up until when the DJ played YMCA then all hell broke loose.
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

A policeman pulled me over while I was on a driving holiday in Germany.

He came to the window and said "Papers"

I said "Scissors, I win" and drove off.
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jetblacksdad
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jetblacksdad »

What's the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little
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sewer rat
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by sewer rat »

what's E.T short for.........he only has little legs
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Martin McGuinness arrives at the Pearly Gates, there's no-one around so he rattles them until he sees some activity.

St Peter comes out to the gates, recognises Martin and says "Heck, I wasn't expecting to see you up here".

Martin replies "I don't know why not, I phoned half an hour ago with a warning".
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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Just watching the London marathon reminded me of the time me and my mates tried to do a runner from an Ethiopian restaurant. That didn't end well I tell you!
Last edited by jason on 25 Jun 2017, 22:22, edited 1 time in total.
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

What's about a foot long and very slippery?

A slipper.
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droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

A grizzly bear walks into a bar and the barman asks 'What will you have?'
'A gin' replies the bear.
The barman walks off and comes back with a gin and puts it down in front of him.
'...and tonic.' finishes the bear.
'What's with the big pause?' asks the barman.
The bear looks down and says 'I don't know, my Dad had them too.'
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PaulinLondon
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon »

A couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table & said, "Sue, soon we will be married 50 yrs - have you ever cheated on me’?
Sue replied, "Well Tom, I have to be honest with you. Yes, three times during 50 yrs, but always for a good reason.
Tom was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never knew. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?' "
Sue said, "The first time was shortly after we were married & we were about to lose our house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker & the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Tom recalled the visit to the banker & said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Sue asked, "Do you remember when you were so sick & we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night & if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Tom. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"All right," Sue said. "So do you remember when you ran for President of your golf club & you needed 53 more votes?”
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.
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MiB81
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by MiB81 »

droopsnoot wrote: 25 Apr 2017, 11:27 What's about a foot long and very slippery?

A slipper.
Like it :lol:
...I'm making lists of all the people I love,
and all the cunts that should fuck off...
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