Crap Joke No.83840370

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parasiteinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by parasiteinblack »

theraven1979 wrote:I just swallowed some Lego. My doctor isn't worried but I'm shitting bricks!

Jim

hahaha! love it
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droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

A man walks into the Pound Bakery to get a piece of cake. He has a look at the selection and notices one piece is marked £3. He asks the assistant "Why is this cake £3, when everything else is a pound?". The assistant replies "Ah, that's madeira cake".
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droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

My mate's wife had an incurable illness so he followed her wishes and accompanied her to Switzerland, to the Dignitas clinic.

"Someone at that place has a real sick sense of humour." He told me. "I found out when they gave her breakfast."

"Oh, why," I asked, "What did they give her?"

"Cheerios. "
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PaulinLondon
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon »

:lol:
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by sewer rat »

teacher in a primary school english class...she writes a word on the wall and goes round the class asking each pupil to give a sentence which explains the word...the word is CONTAGIOUS.

1st kid.."a cold can be contagious if you don't cover your mouth when you cough"

teacher...."very good"

2nd kid.."laughing is contagious if you make other people laugh"

teacher...."wow, great answer"

this goes on for another few pupils till she gets to this wee dude

wee dude.."me and my dad were watching our neighbour paint his garden fence using a very small brush and my dad said "that'll take that contagious"
Nothingonearth
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Nothingonearth »

My cat swallowed a ball of wool...nine months later, she had mittens!

Edgy!
sewer rat
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by sewer rat »

hey, come on nothingonearth, kids may be reading this page, you can't be telling hardcore jokes like that
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon »

Teacher : "So, Molly, what did you do this weekend ?"

Molly : "I went with my Mum and Dad to Nana's house and we had tea with her".

Teacher : "That's very nice Molly. Tim, what did you do this weekend ?"

Tim : "I went with my Dad to my first football match. It was great".

Teacher : "Well done Tim. And Charlie, what did you do this weekend ?"

Charlie : "My older brother and I bought some fireworks. We then went down to the park and stuffed them up frogs' arseholes".

Teacher : "You mean rectum, Charlie".

Charlie : "Rectum, Miss ? We blew them to fucking pieces".
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.
Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 »

Jack & Jill are driving down a country lane at sunset, suddenly they hit a creature... Jack asks Jill to get out of the car to see what they hit... Oh shit Jack, we hit a poor lickle wickle skunk... Jack says to bring it back to the car so they can drop it off at a vets in the morning... Oh Jack the poor lickle wickle skunk is shaking & shivering... Jack says it must be in shock, poor little fucker... and that she should place it between her legs to keep it snug & warm... Fuck that for a game of soldiers Jack, it stinks to high heaven... Well, Jill put your fingers over it's fuckin nose.
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Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 »

Bernie
I'll get me coat... :roll:
Last edited by Burn e 77 on 30 May 2016, 00:46, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Nothingonearth »

Bit of a confession to make to the board.

Being a bit kinky, I've recently started dogging!

Now I don't drive, but you should have seen the look on the taxi driver's face!
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Nothingonearth wrote:Bit of a confession to make to the board.

Being a bit kinky, I've recently started dogging!

Now I don't drive, but you should have seen the look on the taxi driver's face!
Did he charge you waiting time? Must have been expensive or was you quick!

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