Crap Joke No.83840370

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kjblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by kjblack » 07 Apr 2013, 16:43

Two men drinking in a pub, in comes a third.
"Here comes Wullie the Sheepshagger!"

Wullie overhears them.

"So it's Wullie the Sheepshagger is it?
That's nice, I thought youse were mates.
I've been working the same farm for thirty years but it's not Wullie the Farmer?
Naw.
'Been a Stranglers fan for just as long but is it Wullieinblack?
Naw.
How many times have I won the pub quiz? Is it Wullie the Mastermind?
Naw.

But I shag ONE wee sheep...."

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 07 Apr 2013, 19:06

What's the difference between Sunderland and North Korea ??

Ones a regime run by a mentalist fascist dictator followed by thousands of brain washed in-breds,

the other is in Asia !!
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Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 » 07 Apr 2013, 23:15

I can't seem to find myself a 'suitable' girlfriend... because I can only get sexually aroused... by Travel Suitcases and Camping Rucksacks :shock:

I guess someone like me... cums with a lot of baggage :roll:

Fuckit... i'll get me coat, chaps! :oops:
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Alexinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Alexinblack » 08 Apr 2013, 09:33

Ha Ha not bad mate.

Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 » 08 Apr 2013, 14:32

Alexinblack wrote:Ha Ha not bad mate.
Cheers m8t :wink:
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Rockula
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Rockula » 08 Apr 2013, 14:36

Q. What was the similarity between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Savile?
A. They both spent the 80's fucking miners.
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Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 » 08 Apr 2013, 14:39

Rockula wrote:Q. What was the similarity between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Savile?
A. They both spent the 80's fucking miners.
Funny & unfortunately very True :!:
Mr Dennis Thatchaargh 77 :wink:
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Alexinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Alexinblack » 13 Apr 2013, 13:37

Burn e 77 wrote:
Rockula wrote:Q. What was the similarity between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Savile?
A. They both spent the 80's fucking miners.
Funny & unfortunately very True :!:
Mr Dennis Thatchaargh 77 :wink:
Yer mate ha ha.

Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 » 15 Apr 2013, 22:11

Wife: "Oh my god...I'm getting wet... DON'T STOP PUMPING!... Oh Shit!... KEEP PUMPING!!"

Husband: "I'm going as HARD and as FAST... as i can!"

Wife: GOD!... Harder... DON'T STOP!... Christ... Keep pumpin HARDER!"

Husband: it's NO GOOD!... I'm shagged out... It's been 27 minutes!... I just CAN'T GO ON!

Wife: For Fux sake... DON'T STOP NOW... I'm f*ckin SOAKED!!!... PUMP HARDER!!"

Husband: Oh BOLLOX... we're gonna sink anyway!... You f*ckin pump!"

Burn e 77 :wink:
Something better change!

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 18 Apr 2013, 10:17

Two men walking through the desert, desperate for a drink of water, get to the top of a dune and see a Bedouin market in the next valley. Overjoyed, they run down to the market and approach the nearest stallholder to ask him for some water.

"Sorry", he says, "I don't have any water. Only custard, jelly or sponge cake". Frustrated, they try the next stall. And the next, and the next one after that. Every stallholder just says the same thing, "sorry, I only have jelly, sponge cake or custard". Getting more and more thirsty, they leave the market and continue their search for water.

"That was very strange, back there" says the first man to his friend.

"I agree", says his friend, "it was a trifle bazaar".
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theraven1979
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by theraven1979 » 18 Apr 2013, 12:32

:smt005 :(
droopsnoot wrote:Two men walking through the desert, desperate for a drink of water, get to the top of a dune and see a Bedouin market in the next valley. Overjoyed, they run down to the market and approach the nearest stallholder to ask him for some water.

"Sorry", he says, "I don't have any water. Only custard, jelly or sponge cake". Frustrated, they try the next stall. And the next, and the next one after that. Every stallholder just says the same thing, "sorry, I only have jelly, sponge cake or custard". Getting more and more thirsty, they leave the market and continue their search for water.

"That was very strange, back there" says the first man to his friend.

"I agree", says his friend, "it was a trifle bazaar".
"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"

Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 » 18 Apr 2013, 16:02

My wife, had finally had enough of my selfish behaviour :shock:

Pub Friday night with the 'Lads'
Clay Pigeon Shooting, every Sunday morning with the 'Lads'
Attending MIB gigs with the 'Lads'
Spending a good part of the whole weekend away DJ'ing at Parties (when there's no Shooting, no Fishing and no Footie... with the 'Lads and 'Gorgeous Girls!'
Going for a 'Ruby' Thursday nights, with the 'Lads'
Footie, Saturday afternoons, home and away, with the 'Lads'
Doggie walking Wednesday Summer evenings with the 'Lads and 'Gorgeous Girls' that we always meet, and go for in the 1st place... the dogs hate it.

After reading out the list of my selfish outings with the 'Lads' she asked me for once in my life, to make her feel
like a real 'Woman'

So I f*cked her unprofessionally (as always, over 14 years of marriage)
came too soon... and then afterwards, told her to wash the dishes... still, she does treat the dog well :wink:

Sel Fishqunt :wink:
Something better change!

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