Crap Joke No.83840370

Other non Stranglers stuff here

Moderator: StanInBlack

Post Reply
User avatar
Roy Batty
The Man They Love To Hate
Posts: 600
Joined: 17 Aug 2006, 13:18

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Roy Batty » 19 Feb 2009, 11:03

i got a jade goody calendar for christmas! only goes up to may!!

what a rip off :shock:
URGH URGH URGH URGH!!!!

User avatar
Roy Batty
The Man They Love To Hate
Posts: 600
Joined: 17 Aug 2006, 13:18

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Roy Batty » 19 Feb 2009, 11:05

The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the class an example of love.
Little Susie stood up and said, "I saw two robins making a nest together, I think that is love."
"Very good," said the teacher, "anyone else?"
Little Johnny stood up and said "I think love is 'fucking'."
The teacher was shocked and told little Johnny to go home and not to come back without a note from his father.
The next morning Little Johnny was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a note from your father?"
Little Johnny said, "No, my father said love is fucking, and anyone that says it is not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with cock suckers."
URGH URGH URGH URGH!!!!

User avatar
BazinBlack
Ugly
Ugly
Posts: 1323
Joined: 02 Oct 2006, 22:30
Location: At the bar

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by BazinBlack » 19 Feb 2009, 16:24

Went to the dentist the other day and asked if he could recommend anything for yellow teeth he said "try a brown jumper" :grin:
Strolling along minding my own business.....

User avatar
MULLY
BLUE SISTER
BLUE SISTER
Posts: 4065
Joined: 04 Jan 2006, 20:27
Location: BELFAST

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by MULLY » 20 Feb 2009, 13:12

A young boy got separated from his mum at the supermarket. Somewhat upset and near to tears, he is approached by a kindly staff member who asks "What's the matter son?"

"I've lost my Mum" sobs the young boy.

"What's she like?"

"Big dicks and Vodka"
Allow me to re-arrange your face, sometimes I'd really like to get to know you better

User avatar
gjinblack
Ugly
Ugly
Posts: 1642
Joined: 19 Sep 2007, 00:39
Location: Rochdale

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by gjinblack » 22 Feb 2009, 14:24

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her
Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book
without the slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said 'If any of you can tell me the
name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have
wild and passionate s3x with you until your muscles ache and your eyes
water. So, who wants to go first ?'

The Englishman piped up. 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham', he said.

'That's no use, Trevor' said the speech therapist, 'Who's next ?'

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out 'P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley'.

That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.

How about you, Paddy ?

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out ' London '.

Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about
living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for
breath and Paddy added :

'-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry'.
euromanc-ometh

User avatar
BazinBlack
Ugly
Ugly
Posts: 1323
Joined: 02 Oct 2006, 22:30
Location: At the bar

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by BazinBlack » 23 Feb 2009, 15:41

Why is it when you send things by sea its called a cargo and when you send things by road its called a shipment?
Strolling along minding my own business.....

User avatar
PaulinLondon
Maninwhite
Maninwhite
Posts: 12688
Joined: 03 Jan 2006, 12:42
Location: Mon - Fri : Thunderbird 5.

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon » 23 Feb 2009, 15:47

A "shipment" of Stranglers fans went to Paris and Ghent.

:lol:
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.

User avatar
Roy Batty
The Man They Love To Hate
Posts: 600
Joined: 17 Aug 2006, 13:18

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Roy Batty » 26 Feb 2009, 21:17

Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?
A: A tubby.
URGH URGH URGH URGH!!!!

User avatar
BazinBlack
Ugly
Ugly
Posts: 1323
Joined: 02 Oct 2006, 22:30
Location: At the bar

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by BazinBlack » 01 Mar 2009, 17:14

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice, but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch. :lol: :lol:

Bazza
Strolling along minding my own business.....

User avatar
henry moore
VERSATRAN SERIES F
Posts: 151
Joined: 15 Apr 2008, 09:33
Location: stirling

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by henry moore » 03 Mar 2009, 20:11

the dog is truly mans best friend.if you're not convinced then lock your wife and your dog in the boot of the car for an hour and when you open it see who's happy to see you !!!
take a tour around a henry moore

User avatar
theraven1979
Maninwhite
Maninwhite
Posts: 33859
Joined: 22 Dec 2001, 11:41
Location: Saltaire
Contact:

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by theraven1979 » 05 Mar 2009, 22:55

Man walks into a library and asks for a book on Tourette's. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you c*nt."The man says, "Yep, that's the one."


Jim
"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"

User avatar
parasiteinblack
The Raven
The Raven
Posts: 2940
Joined: 26 Nov 2003, 11:57
Location: Norwich
Contact:

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by parasiteinblack » 11 Mar 2009, 17:50

bongo wrote:MAN TEST

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte' or GREEN TEA. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is; you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. :smt003
oh man, I just read the whole fucking thing and there wasn't even a punchline! not cool. :evil:
That was worse than Al Murray's new Nazi character.
"I woke up on a good day, and the world was wonderful"

Post Reply