Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

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PaulinLondon
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Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by PaulinLondon » 28 Oct 2013, 23:25

I will go first if I may.....

:smt069

Derek and Clive :

"It was a fifty fifty thing. I think the lobsters got quite a nip out of it. Ha, Ha. I think Jane got quite a lot out of it".

Monty Python :

"Otters' noses ?....Wrens' livers........? Excuse me, are you the Judean Peoples' Front ? "


:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Toiler On The Sea » 28 Oct 2013, 23:49

Not strictly a comedic line, but it tickles my fancy.
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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Hammersmith1982 » 29 Oct 2013, 00:32

Michael Palin You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

Graham Chapman Luxury! We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

Terry Gilliam Well, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

Eric Idle Right. steels himself I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

Michael Palin But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.
Aye

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Hammersmith1982 » 29 Oct 2013, 00:32

Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Hammersmith1982 » 29 Oct 2013, 00:33

"well how did you become king then?"

"The lady of the lake, her arms clad in shimmering Semite, held aloft Excalibur, signifying that I Arthur should be king."

"Listen. Strange ladies lying in pools distributing swords is no basis for government...."

"shut up!"

"...Supreme executive power comes from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony...."

"SHUT UP!"

"...Suppose I said I was emperor just cause some watery tart lobed a scimitar at me, why they'd lock me away."

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Hammersmith1982 » 29 Oct 2013, 00:33

Sausage Time

Woof Woof!!

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Five Minutes » 29 Oct 2013, 00:56

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8d8F6kez1c

Not funny lines as such but I just find the mannerisms hilarious.
Last time I came here a friend of mine just got triple-jacked over a steeplehammer and jessop jessop jessop jessop jessop

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Alexinblack » 29 Oct 2013, 09:38

"I don't believe it".

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by icecube » 29 Oct 2013, 10:34

PaulinLondon wrote:I will go first if I may.....

:smt069
You stupid boy!
This can't be undone

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by kincajou » 29 Oct 2013, 12:03

Derek & Clive Live. Still appeals to the sniggering teenager in me!

Bloke came up to me and says 'You cunt'.
I says 'What?'
He says 'You cunt' ...

later on...

'Don't you 'euuuuggghh' me mate'.

Brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTifRi3qDkU
.....

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by droopsnoot » 29 Oct 2013, 12:14

M: Who are you?
WM: What?
M: Who are you?
WM: We are three wise men.
M: Well what are you doing creeping around a cowshed at three o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me!
WM: We were led by a star!
M: Led by a bottle, more like. It's disgusting, coming in here...

And a more recent one always tickles me:

"We went to see my Grandfather, about a month before he died. He asked us to spread lard on his back. He went downhill very quickly after that"
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

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Re: Favourite Comedy Lines of all time...

Post by Five Minutes » 29 Oct 2013, 12:33

Last time I came here a friend of mine just got triple-jacked over a steeplehammer and jessop jessop jessop jessop jessop

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