Burning Up Time - The Stranglers and Hugh Cornwell Unofficial Forums

I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.

Over Christmas I bought a tub of Celebrations and swapped all the wrappers over.

My wife wasn’t happy, she got her Snickers in a Twix.

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm selling my pet python on eBay.

Some bloke just rang up and asked "Is it big?"

I said "It's massive!"

He said "How many feet?"

I said "None, it's a snake!"

I was playing Bonopoly last night.

It's the same as Monopoly, except the streets have no name.

Bono had a negative COVID test and was relieved that he’s only got bad catarrh.

“Well tonight thank God it’s phlegm instead of flu....” he said.

I've just finished "The Arctic Event" by Robert Ludlum and James Cobb, very enjoyable. Bomber crashes on a remote island in the fifties, has a deadly cargo which various groups are trying to recover.

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer.

I said 'I want to sue the airline'

He replied 'You don't have much of a case'.

I phoned up my fruit machine manufacturer.

I said, "My fruit machine isn't working".

The lady said, "Can you hold?"

I said, "No, it won't even let me nudge".

Just browsing on Amazon for any Black Friday special offers, and I noticed that if you buy the full set of Adam and the Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand, and deliver.

Do YOU appear in the form of water droplet?

Are YOU found on grass and windows in the morning?

If so you may be dew condensation!

Clown divorces often end in lengthy custardy battles.