Search found 508 matches

by droopsnoot
20 Jan 2021, 19:27
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.
by droopsnoot
12 Jan 2021, 19:17
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Over Christmas I bought a tub of Celebrations and swapped all the wrappers over.

My wife wasn’t happy, she got her Snickers in a Twix.
by droopsnoot
12 Jan 2021, 10:56
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.
by droopsnoot
21 Dec 2020, 11:24
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

I'm selling my pet python on eBay.

Some bloke just rang up and asked "Is it big?"

I said "It's massive!"

He said "How many feet?"

I said "None, it's a snake!"
by droopsnoot
20 Dec 2020, 19:26
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

I was playing Bonopoly last night.

It's the same as Monopoly, except the streets have no name.
by droopsnoot
16 Dec 2020, 10:32
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Bono had a negative COVID test and was relieved that he’s only got bad catarrh.

“Well tonight thank God it’s phlegm instead of flu....” he said.
by droopsnoot
14 Dec 2020, 10:16
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Last book read
Replies: 691
Views: 89008

Re: Last book read

I've just finished "The Arctic Event" by Robert Ludlum and James Cobb, very enjoyable. Bomber crashes on a remote island in the fifties, has a deadly cargo which various groups are trying to recover.
by droopsnoot
11 Dec 2020, 10:18
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer.

I said 'I want to sue the airline'

He replied 'You don't have much of a case'.
by droopsnoot
01 Dec 2020, 10:53
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

I phoned up my fruit machine manufacturer.

I said, "My fruit machine isn't working".

The lady said, "Can you hold?"

I said, "No, it won't even let me nudge".
by droopsnoot
27 Nov 2020, 19:38
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Just browsing on Amazon for any Black Friday special offers, and I noticed that if you buy the full set of Adam and the Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand, and deliver.
by droopsnoot
18 Nov 2020, 10:46
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Do YOU appear in the form of water droplet?

Are YOU found on grass and windows in the morning?

If so you may be dew condensation!
by droopsnoot
17 Nov 2020, 20:05
Forum: General Other stuff
Topic: Crap Joke No.83840370
Replies: 2112
Views: 197088

Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Clown divorces often end in lengthy custardy battles.