Crap Joke No.83840370

[droopsnoot]

Three little pigs walked into a restaurant and were seated at a table. After a few minutes looking at the menu, they decided to start with some appetizers. The waiter asked the pigs what they’ll have.

"I'll start with some chips and salsa," the first pig replied.
"I will begin with some mozzarella sticks," the second pig said.
"Water, lots and lots of water," the third pig replied.

They got their appetizers and begin digging in. Before long they decided to order their main dishes & called the waiter over. He asked the pigs what they wanted.

"Hmmm...I'll have a double cheeseburger, no onions," replied the first pig.
"I will have a dish of macaroni and cheese," said the second pig.
"Water, lots and lots of water," the third pig replied.

The pigs got their food, devoured it all, decided they wanted dessert and flagged down the waiter. The waiter asked the pigs what they wanted for dessert.

"I'll have a slice of cheesecake," said the first pig.
"Gimme a bowl of soft serve chocolate ice cream," said the second pig.
"Water, lots and lots of water," replied the third pig.

They got their desserts along with the bill and the waiter asked the third pig, "Why did you only order water this evening?"

The third pig replied, "Well, one of us has to go wee wee wee all the way home and it’s my turn.”

[droopsnoot]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian,
a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, A Channel Islander, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman,
an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Englishman, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian,
a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian,
an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian,
a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittsian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz,
a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger,
a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Manxman, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican,
a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian,
an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese,
a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian,
a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan,
a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean
all go to a bar.

The doorman stops them and says:
"Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."

[PJayBe]

I was watching the rugby yesterday with subtitles on and thought the chap doing it had fallen asleep and landed head down on his keyboard. Then I realised it was the Welsh National Anthem.....

[PJayBe]

Just tried a new Mary Poppins themed restaurant.

Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious.....

[jason]

Just tried a new Mary Poppins themed restaurant.

Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious.....

Very good!

[jason]

My girlfriend is the absolute double of Kylie Minogue. Kylie is 8 stone and my Tracey is 16 Stone!

[droopsnoot]

For her birthday I bought my wife a fur coat made from 3000 hamster skins, and took her to Blackpool for a weekend. She went on the big wheel and I couldn't get her off it for two days.

[Summer Dreamer]

Did you see Andrew Lloyd Webber is writing a new musical about the life and times of Meghan Markle?

It's called "Superstar?! Jesus Christ!!"

[PJayBe]

I went out with a girl who was a medium. Said so in her vest.

[Waffle waitress]

The Neighbour chapped my door and gave me a right fright this morning, he was pure raging because someone has been stealing his clothes off his washing line, I swear l nearly shat his pants

[PJayBe]

Got home from work yesterday and the missus had been on Ebay all day. If she's still on there later I'll have to drop the price.....

[PJayBe]

Last time we went to see the daughter we got to the Ryanair check in desk. The woman asked us if we had reservations. I said yes, but they were still the cheapest.....