Crap Joke No.83840370
Moderator: StanInBlack
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.....
My wife accused me of being immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Just asked the wife what she's burning for dinner. Turned out it was my clothes.
Honesty may be the best policy, but by a process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best....
My wife accused me of being immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Just asked the wife what she's burning for dinner. Turned out it was my clothes.
Honesty may be the best policy, but by a process of elimination, dishonesty is the second best....
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- The Raven
- Posts: 2994
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004, 17:28
- Location: Cheshire
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
I went to the pub dressed as a tennis ball yesterday.
Got served straight away.
Got served straight away.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
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- The Raven
- Posts: 2994
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004, 17:28
- Location: Cheshire
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
Danny Baker sacked for a tweet about a chimp? It's PG gone mad.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
And the Lord said to John "Come forth and receive eternal life." However John came fifth and got a toaster.
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- The Raven
- Posts: 2994
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004, 17:28
- Location: Cheshire
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
A chap in the High Street asked me to take a survey.
“What do you know about dwarves?” He asked.
“Very little.” I replied.
“What do you know about dwarves?” He asked.
“Very little.” I replied.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
- theraven1979
- Maninwhite
- Posts: 33468
- Joined: 22 Dec 2001, 11:41
- Location: Saltaire
- Contact:
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
I'm on the Adam Ant diet. Don't chew ever, don't chew ever.
Jim
Sent from my LLD-L31 using Tapatalk
Jim
Sent from my LLD-L31 using Tapatalk
"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"
It taught me how to laugh again"
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- The Raven
- Posts: 2994
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004, 17:28
- Location: Cheshire
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
Tyrone was having trouble in school. His teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone; can't you learn anything?
One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career.
Tyrone's mother, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of London, relocating to Manchester.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Heart Special Hospital in Manchester could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly.
When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career.
Tyrone's mother, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of London, relocating to Manchester.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Heart Special Hospital in Manchester could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly.
When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
My wife keeps painting me black and white. She keeps badgering me!
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
Just seen a dyslexic yorkshire man walking down the street wearing a cat flap!
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
My wife's lisp can be really irritating sometimes. I thought we was going to be watching the European thong contest last night!
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- The Raven
- Posts: 2994
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004, 17:28
- Location: Cheshire
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
News is breaking that Police have raided Kermit's lily pad and found thousands of indecent images of Miss Piggy.
A spokesman said "it's the worst case of frog's porn I've ever seen".
A spokesman said "it's the worst case of frog's porn I've ever seen".
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
Re: Crap Joke No.83840370
My Wife said “if I die & you got another Woman would you give her my golf clubs”? I said “no she’s left handed”