pathetic neighbours

LUKEJAKE17 · Post by **LUKEJAKE17** » 24 Nov 2006, 21:25

do you like your neighbours? i dont. theres this stupid woman who plays crap 80s pop music endlessly above me, (at 6.00 in the , morning sometimes) shes really freaky, when she talks, she moves her head about soooo much, it looks like shes a robot malfunctioning. she stays up at all hours, makin loads of noise. to the left of me, is this freaky guy with a massive head, (he isnt disabled or anythin) hes just got a huge head. he acts like such a prat, screaming and shouting and throwing things everywhere, when hes in the house on his own! i could speak of more neighbours but ill leave it at that......

Post by **ravenlunatic** » 24 Nov 2006, 22:03

I'm glad to report that my neighbours are all quite charming, with the exception of the fat, beerbellied, wobble arse, wanker to whom it is my unfortunate fate to live opposite. I have never spoken to him and have no intention of doing so. I have observed him from a distance, washing his car, while wearing shorts and no shirt, thus displaying his bloated carcase.
My main objection to him however, is his habit of wearing those leather moccasin type shoes so beloved of a certain yachty/golf clubby type of fellow. These shoes are, I understand generally worn without socks, an unfortunate habit to which I have a particular aversion. Never trust a man who has not taken the trouble to put his socks on. This is not to say that I in any way endorse the wearing of socks with sandals, no no no! this is a different matter altogether and worthy, I feel of another thread entirely. The fact remains that if a chap is unwilling to wear socks in company, then he is unlikely to be the sort that one would wish to be with if in a tight spot such as might be encountered when becoming hoplessley lost while searching for truffles in a dark forest. Or pherhaps finding yourself the target of a sniper who has been foolish enough to mistake you for a member of the russian mafia, and who would have bagged you with the first shot had you not stooped to knock out your pipe on a handy stump.
No in such circumstances, you need the company of someone with stout heart and a level head, and not a fat man with no socks.

LUKEJAKE17 · Post by **LUKEJAKE17** » 24 Nov 2006, 22:08

ravenlunatic wrote:I'm glad to report that my neighbours are all quite charming, with the exception of the fat, beerbellied, wobble arse, wanker that it is my unfortunate fate to live opposite. I have never spoken to him and have no intention of doing so. I have observed him from a distance, washing his car, while wearing shorts and no shirt, thus displaying his bloated carcase.
My main objection to him however, is his habit of wearing those leather moccasin type shoes so beloved of a certain yachty/golf clubby type of fellow. These shoes are, I understand generally worn without socks, an unfortunate habit to which I have a particular aversion. Never trust a man who has not taken the trouble to put his socks on. This is not to say that I in any way endorse the wearing of socks with sandals, no no no! this is a different matter altogether and worthy, I feel of another thread entirely. The fact remains that if a chap is unwilling to wear socks in company, then he is unlikely to be the sort that one would wish to be with if in a tight spot such as might be encountered when becoming hoplessley lost while searching for truffles in a dark forest. Or pherhaps finding yourself the target of a sniper who has been foolish enough to mistake you for a member of the russian mafia, and who would have bagged you with the first shot had you not stooped to knock out your pipe on a handy stump.
No in such circumstances, you need the company of someone with stout heart and a level head, and not a fat man with no socks.

he sounds horrible, nothin worse than a fat sweaty bloke showing off his flab!

Organ Grinder · Post by **Organ Grinder** » 24 Nov 2006, 22:18

LUKEJAKE17 wrote:do you like your neighbours? i dont. theres this stupid woman who plays crap 80s pop music endlessly above me, (at 6.00 in the , morning sometimes) shes really freaky, when she talks, she moves her head about soooo much, it looks like shes a robot malfunctioning. she stays up at all hours, makin loads of noise. to the left of me, is this freaky guy with a massive head, (he isnt disabled or anythin) hes just got a huge head. he acts like such a prat, screaming and shouting and throwing things everywhere, when hes in the house on his own! i could speak of more neighbours but ill leave it at that......

As you get older - all the things you describe as 'freaky' or unusual become the norm. Welcome to our world Luke.

LUKEJAKE17 · Post by **LUKEJAKE17** » 24 Nov 2006, 22:25

Organ Grinder wrote:
LUKEJAKE17 wrote:do you like your neighbours? i dont. theres this stupid woman who plays crap 80s pop music endlessly above me, (at 6.00 in the , morning sometimes) shes really freaky, when she talks, she moves her head about soooo much, it looks like shes a robot malfunctioning. she stays up at all hours, makin loads of noise. to the left of me, is this freaky guy with a massive head, (he isnt disabled or anythin) hes just got a huge head. he acts like such a prat, screaming and shouting and throwing things everywhere, when hes in the house on his own! i could speak of more neighbours but ill leave it at that......
As you get older - all the things you describe as 'freaky' or unusual become the norm. Welcome to our world Luke.

surely the robot woman couldnt become normal

Organ Grinder · Post by **Organ Grinder** » 24 Nov 2006, 22:31

In my world we refer to 'robot woman' as 'mum'.

Post by **PaulinLondon** » 24 Nov 2006, 23:05

ravenlunatic wrote: with the exception of the fat, beerbellied, wobble arse, wanker that it is my unfortunate fate to live opposite.

Sounds like Matron Temazepam to me.

Post by **suchi** » 25 Nov 2006, 00:32

My useless self righteous arse of a neighbour is lucky enough to have had bestowed upon him (by me and my son) the name of Ned Flanders. Need I say more. He winds me up something chronic. What with his minceing fucking Sunday morning petrol mower, designer shrubs and his shit-shaped glasses poking out from under a beanie hat.

His wife and kids are fine I get on with them although they know I don't speak to the hubby. He had the audacity a couple of years back to tell me to turn The Stranglers off yes OFF, not "would you mind turning that great music down a bit 'cos my wife's just had her arms amputated. No he said "off" the twat.

Anyway I replied quoting the great Bartleby That `I would prefer not to', so he shuffled off and needless to say we haven't spoken since. The prick!

I haven't got a neighbour on the other side. But if I had; I be a proper gentleman; and would chat with folded arms across the fence about the freak living on the other side of my party wall.

The Real One! · Post by **The Real One!** » 25 Nov 2006, 00:37

I used to love my neighbour. Known as Ed-next-door who would cat feed and meet up for ' last orders at the pub' visits and then late night malt sessions. Then he got a gig at the South Pole and turned into Ed-next-door-in-Antartica and I missed him. But I sent him a Christmas cake when he was out there over the winter season and got lots of postcards and the like about life Down South.
But then he fell in love with the base Dr (and it must be the first time that a bloke had to go half way round the world to find his true love) and is now Ed-Next-door-in Cornwall and rents his house out so it's not quite the same.
Rest of my neighbours are ok though but not really Stranglers fans. But the other next door lot have budgies and the cat is very intrigued by them so I feel we may fall out at some point when Mad Frankie wanders in with one of 'em as a present...

LUKEJAKE17 · Post by **LUKEJAKE17** » 25 Nov 2006, 00:38

suchi wrote:My useless self righteous arse of a neighbour is lucky enough to have had bestowed upon him (by me and my son) the name of Ned Flanders. Need I say more. He winds me up something chronic. What with his minceing fucking Sunday morning petrol mower, designer shrubs and his shit-shaped glasses poking out from under a beanie hat.

His wife and kids are fine I get on with them although they know I don't speak to the hubby. He had the audacity a couple of years back to tell me to turn The Stranglers off yes OFF, not "would you mind turning that great music down a bit 'cos my wife's just had her arms amputated. No he said "off" the twat.

Anyway I replied quoting the great Bartleby That `I would prefer not to', and needless to say we haven't spoken since. The prick!

I haven't got a neighbour on the other side. But if I had; I be a proper gentleman; and would and chat with folded arms across the fence about the freak living on the other side of my party wall.

how dare that slimy little worm, slime about making such demands? can yee remember what album it was? (probably not, but anyway, thought id ask)

Post by **theraven1979** » 25 Nov 2006, 00:43

Awesome - yeah neighbours who fuck about in there garden weekend after bastard weekend - for fucks sake give it a rest - either go out there and get pissed or go out somewhere. One guy down my street spent every weekend in 4 months building some decking that was fucking dire in the end. One other neighbour wanted me to sell (sorry did I say sell - I meant GIVE!!!) him some of my land so he could extend his garden and shove more crap in it - I told him very politely to fuck off. The fuckin cheek of it!!!!!

Neighbours though who have kids are the worse cos they think the effing world revolves around them and their kids.

Jim

suchi wrote:My useless self righteous arse of a neighbour is lucky enough to have had bestowed upon him (by me and my son) the name of Ned Flanders. Need I say more. He winds me up something chronic. What with his minceing fucking Sunday morning petrol mower, designer shrubs and his shit-shaped glasses poking out from under a beanie hat.

His wife and kids are fine I get on with them although they know I don't speak to the hubby. He had the audacity a couple of years back to tell me to turn The Stranglers off yes OFF, not "would you mind turning that great music down a bit 'cos my wife's just had her arms amputated. No he said "off" the twat.

Anyway I replied quoting the great Bartleby That `I would prefer not to', so he shuffled off and needless to say we haven't spoken since. The prick!

I haven't got a neighbour on the other side. But if I had; I be a proper gentleman; and would and chat with folded arms across the fence about the freak living on the other side of my party wall.

Post by **suchi** » 25 Nov 2006, 00:51

LUKEJAKE17 wrote:

how dare that slimy little worm, slime about making such demands? can yee remember what album it was? (probably not, but anyway, thought id ask)

.

Not sure which album. All I can remember before the Police arrived was being totally pissed and stoned and waving mi trusty 12 bore in the direction of his face

...Only joking......... he is a twat tho!

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pathetic neighbours

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