Crap Joke No.83840370

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wegga66
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by wegga66 »

A cowboy rides into a town, ties his horse and heads for the saloon, bar tender give me a whiskey, he knocks back the drink and leaves, returns to collect his horse but its gone, a few seconds later he returns back to the saloon, bar tender whiskey, just as the cowboy takes his drink, he turns and says if by the time I drink this whiskey, if my horse isn't back outside, the same thing will happen here as what happened at alpasso, What happened at alpasso says the bartender ?

cowboy- I walked home.

:grin: :grin:
If it's not recorded ,then it's just a memory

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the taxman
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by the taxman »

I was walking down the street and bumped into Baz & JJ.They were carrying a sofa.They offered it to me free of charge & I took it home.I got wrong off my mum as she said I should never accept suites from Stranglers.
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

The Pope visits Northern Ireland as part of his european tour, and at each town he visits he goes for a walkabout to meet with the masses congregating outside the venue. While strolling around Belfast, a local approaches him and asks "Holy Father, can I ask you what you think of County Down?".

"Well", says the Pope, "it's really good." After a short pause he adds "but between you and me, I preferred it with Carol Vorderman".
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T.F.P.R.H.G
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by T.F.P.R.H.G »

i thought it was a seaside tragedy when i saw the headline....young lad tossed off cliff.
it just goes to show you never know whats lurking in the shadows.
Saidagibb !
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Does anyone want to buy my vacuum cleaner? I don't know why I bought it as it just gathers dust !
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Bag Lady »

jason wrote:Does anyone want to buy my vacuum cleaner? I don't know why I bought it as it just gathers dust !
That deserves an award...
No one can win against kipple.
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

Bag Lady wrote:
jason wrote:Does anyone want to buy my vacuum cleaner? I don't know why I bought it as it just gathers dust !
That deserves an award...
It won one didn't it!
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

I've just got back from a ballooning holiday, I put on 3 stone! :lol:
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are walking together when they happen upon an old oil lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie pops out and grants them three wishes, one each.

The Irishman wishes that Ireland should be a green and pleasant land, rich in natural resources with stunning scenery and Guinness flowing from the taps. The genie waves his hand and the wish is granted.

The Scotsman likes the sound of this and wishes for the same for Scotland but with whisky flowing from the taps and a wall around the country to keep the English out. The wall is to be 100ft high, 20ft thick and made of re-inforced concrete so that no-one can get in and no-one can get out. "Are you sure?" says the genie. "Absolutely" says the Scotsman, and with a wave of his hand, the genie grants the wish.

The genie turns to the Englishman and asks him for his wish. "Tell me again about this wall you have built for the Scotsman" says the Englishman. "Well it's 100ft high, 20ft thick and made of re-inforced concrete so no-one can get in and no-one can get out" replied the genie. The Englishman pondered for a moment and then wished............

"Fill it with water"
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theraven1979
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by theraven1979 »

A few more converts to the Yes vote once they've read this no doubt! :lol:

Jim

droopsnoot wrote:An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are walking together when they happen upon an old oil lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie pops out and grants them three wishes, one each.

The Irishman wishes that Ireland should be a green and pleasant land, rich in natural resources with stunning scenery and Guinness flowing from the taps. The genie waves his hand and the wish is granted.

The Scotsman likes the sound of this and wishes for the same for Scotland but with whisky flowing from the taps and a wall around the country to keep the English out. The wall is to be 100ft high, 20ft thick and made of re-inforced concrete so that no-one can get in and no-one can get out. "Are you sure?" says the genie. "Absolutely" says the Scotsman, and with a wave of his hand, the genie grants the wish.

The genie turns to the Englishman and asks him for his wish. "Tell me again about this wall you have built for the Scotsman" says the Englishman. "Well it's 100ft high, 20ft thick and made of re-inforced concrete so no-one can get in and no-one can get out" replied the genie. The Englishman pondered for a moment and then wished............

"Fill it with water"
"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.

Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming to you Sister," he replied, "Don't Despair came in at 80 to 1!"
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droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

The irony is that Oscar Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.
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