Crap Joke No.83840370

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PaulinLondon
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PaulinLondon »

Possibly one of the best ever :

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

:shock: Now we know.
"Madame, Be in no doubt as to the seriousness of your position". The Day of the Jackal, 1973.
Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 »

Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat... ?

Because he's a cnut
Something better change!
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

There were 3 men in a boat, with 4 cigarettes between them but no way to light them.

What did they do?

they threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter
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theraven1979
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by theraven1979 »

"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I don`t have any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
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APOLLO79
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by APOLLO79 »

I'm surprised my new female post person this morning by sticking my boaby through the letterbox.


I don't know if she was more in shock at seeing my boaby or the fact that I knew where she lived! :shock:
'Can i have my mic stand back please?You might do yourself an injury and get it stuck in somewhere'
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by zontar »

What's the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't strut around Dublin thinking that he's Bono.
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Five Minutes
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Five Minutes »

Max Clifford can still be a sought after PR: Prison Rapee
Last time I came here a friend of mine just got triple-jacked over a steeplehammer and jessop jessop jessop jessop jessop
Burn e 77
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Burn e 77 »

Medics have reportedly 'grown' vaginas using human cells in a laboratory in the US. It's supposedly a first. I'm debating whether to debunk this myth
and tell them how I once worked in a political environment with a number of home-grown c*nts.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by johnpidgeon »

]My mom used to say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We weren't surprised when they pulled her medical license.
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canada
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by the taxman »

I always wanted to be a plumber,then realised it was just a pipe dream
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