Crap Joke No.83840370

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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

droopsnoot wrote: 20 Jan 2021, 19:27 I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.
Fangs for that!
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

A Liverpool woman has been fined £15,000 for holding illegal Botox parties during lockdown

When interviewed, none of her customers looked surprised.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Yesterday I made a telescope out of old fish finger boxes. Now I have a birds eye view of everything.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Because of covid lockdown, boredom has led me to swap the labels on my wife's spices.

She hasn't realised yet, but the thyme is cumin.
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airflamesred
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by airflamesred »

I've decided to start up my own, slightly right of centre, plumbing shop.
Going to call it 'Flu, flux, fan'

Just deciding on staff atire at the moment.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

This bloke came in to my shop today and asked me, "Why is that exit sign flickering on & off?"

I said, "It's on the way out".....
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Summer Dreamer
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer »

One day Pinocchio came to Geppetto with a problem. He said, "Thanks a lot Geppetto for making me and everything, but I need advice. Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters, how can I stop this?"
"Well" said Geppetto, "Have you tried sandpaper?"
"That's a good idea", and so Pinocchio left. A couple of weeks later Geppetto questioned Pinocchio, "How is the problem going with your girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend?" said Pinocchio, "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"
'Scaffolding pays good bread'
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

I hired a handyman to do some work, and gave him a list of things to do

When I got home he'd only done tasks 1,3,and 5

Turned out he was an odd job man
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kjblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by kjblack »

I was in Japan and went to see a football match. Near the end all the players started attacking and fighting each other.
I said to the guy sitting next to me, "What's going on here?"

He said, " It's three minutes ninjary time. "
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic ?

Ian
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MiB81
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by MiB81 »

droopsnoot wrote: 07 Apr 2021, 09:39 What do you call a magician who has lost his magic ?

Ian
:lol:
...I'm making lists of all the people I love,
and all the cunts that should fuck off...
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

We have just had the first salvo of the 41 gun salute at Portsmouth.

President Macron has phoned Boris Johnson to formally surrender.
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