Crap Joke No.83840370

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toilerinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by toilerinblack »

droopsnoot wrote: 21 Aug 2020, 12:09 I asked the librarian to recommend an author who writes dinosaur books.

"Try Sarah Topps," she replied.
Very Good lol
toilerinblack
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by toilerinblack »

This guy was walking along a grass bank that over looked a canal where barges went going along the dock and into a small darkened tunnel when he noticed a guy in the water with his head under the water not moving he ran down the grass bank pulled him out and gave him mouth to mouth and just saved his life.This guy who nearly drowned said im forever indebited to you saving my life and the the othe guy said no its alright i only did what any other person would of done in my shoes.So this guy said look you've heard of a genie havent you? and the guy who saved him said yes i have so he said well im a genie and for you saving my life i will grant you any three wishes you want its the least i can do for you after you saved my life so think carefully you only have three wishes.
So the guy thought carefully and said well my wife and i have always been a bit skint we've never had much money so i would like a million pounds in my bank account ..so the genie said yep its already in there waiting for you your next wish? the guy thought and said well ive always lived in a high rise flat on the 5th floor i would like a small little cottage in the country miles away from everybody else my own little cottage in the country where the geni then said yep no problem i've got just the place for you and whats your last wish and the guy said i want to furnish out every room in this cottage with what ever furniutre and decorate it out too how i want.
The genie then said yep no problems and went on to say now there good wishes arent they? and the guy replied yeah they are where the genie went on to say now look i know you saved my life and everything but for me to be able to grant you these wishes i have to ask one thing of you first and the guy thought ok what is it? the genie said you've got to let me have sex with you where this guy then thought what!! then he thought a million pounds in the bank a cottage in the country all frunished out so he said after much thought ok .
So they then went down just inside this canals tunnel where the genie had him up against the wall and when the genie had finished he was doing up his trousers and said to the guy who saved him can i ask you one last question ? where the guy said yeah what? the genie said how old are you?
so this guy replied 48 why?
what and you still believe in genies?
Summer Dreamer
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer »

toilerinblack wrote: 31 Dec 2020, 02:24 This guy was walking along a grass bank that over looked a canal where barges went going along the dock and into a small darkened tunnel when he noticed a guy in the water with his head under the water not moving he ran down the grass bank pulled him out and gave him mouth to mouth and just saved his life.This guy who nearly drowned said im forever indebited to you saving my life and the the othe guy said no its alright i only did what any other person would of done in my shoes.So this guy said look you've heard of a genie havent you? and the guy who saved him said yes i have so he said well im a genie and for you saving my life i will grant you any three wishes you want its the least i can do for you after you saved my life so think carefully you only have three wishes.
So the guy thought carefully and said well my wife and i have always been a bit skint we've never had much money so i would like a million pounds in my bank account ..so the genie said yep its already in there waiting for you your next wish? the guy thought and said well ive always lived in a high rise flat on the 5th floor i would like a small little cottage in the country miles away from everybody else my own little cottage in the country where the geni then said yep no problem i've got just the place for you and whats your last wish and the guy said i want to furnish out every room in this cottage with what ever furniutre and decorate it out too how i want.
The genie then said yep no problems and went on to say now there good wishes arent they? and the guy replied yeah they are where the genie went on to say now look i know you saved my life and everything but for me to be able to grant you these wishes i have to ask one thing of you first and the guy thought ok what is it? the genie said you've got to let me have sex with you where this guy then thought what!! then he thought a million pounds in the bank a cottage in the country all frunished out so he said after much thought ok .
So they then went down just inside this canals tunnel where the genie had him up against the wall and when the genie had finished he was doing up his trousers and said to the guy who saved him can i ask you one last question ? where the guy said yeah what? the genie said how old are you?
so this guy replied 48 why?
what and you still believe in genies?
:lol: :smile: :lol:
'Scaffolding pays good bread'
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

Over Christmas I bought a tub of Celebrations and swapped all the wrappers over.

My wife wasn’t happy, she got her Snickers in a Twix.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

We bought a tub of Heroes but ate them all so there's No more Heroes anymore!
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PeteL
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PeteL »

Today’s Happy Mic Check Day ....

12 1 21

Been waiting fookin years for that
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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason »

PeteL wrote: 12 Jan 2021, 21:12 Today’s Happy Mic Check Day ....

12 1 21

Been waiting fookin years for that
Well worth the wait mate!
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by MiB81 »

droopsnoot wrote: 12 Jan 2021, 19:17 Over Christmas I bought a tub of Celebrations and swapped all the wrappers over.

My wife wasn’t happy, she got her Snickers in a Twix.
:lol:
...I'm making lists of all the people I love,
and all the cunts that should fuck off...
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Boody »

Yesterday my wife suggested that if I am bored, I should make a bird table. Now she’s annoyed I put her in fifth place.
I can't help getting old. I just refuse to grow up.
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer »

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees because she found it annoying.
At first, I thought she was kidding.
But then I saw her face...
'Scaffolding pays good bread'
droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot »

I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall
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