THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

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MULLY
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THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by MULLY »

After 17 years in my current work, I am moving on to pastures new - volunteering for a move (rather than being 'pushed') and today my team of 10 staff took me out for a farewell meal. Unexpectedly, as we sat around post-grub - finishing off the beverages, a team member produced a speech they had prepared to see me off.

I will admit I probably 'go on' about The Stranglers a bit too much, but little did I realise how deep the band had infiltrated into the everyday office life.

Here is a copy of the speech, with a little poetic licence - not hard to spot the MiB influence..... hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

LEAVING SPEECH

Well now the end is near and so you’ve faced the final curtain. We just wanted to write a bit of a brief story about your time in NWA S/S Team as a way of a send off as you start your new job.

When you took over as our new boss, our first reaction was “who’s this Punk” we soon discovered who the punk was. Some members of the team revealed they had worked with you before just shows It’s a small world. After our first team time we came away Shaking like a leaf. You revealed you expected at LEAST 6 and 6 a day, Shut Up was the immediate reply, closely followed by Get a grip on yourself “I Feel like a wog” your working us that hard. 6 and 6 you said, you have enough time There Ain’t nothing to it, if you lot spent more time working and less time Bitching you might do better. Phil said to you I Hate You “, all I want to do is manage my own queue - some freedom would be nice but your response was typically Graeme... “Freedom is Insane”.

We soon got used to your weird ways, at times it was like Living in a Bear Cage as you really showed No Mercy and the post-its and referring out of the work was Non Stop. Helen said I’m Out Of My Mind worrying about this feckin' queue. It was Relentless, don’t think they’re was anything Sinister in it just your way of working I suppose. Margaret stood up at meeting and said Something better Change she really is a Strange Little Girl that Margaret one. There was no change, the Post-its and excessive work kept coming - we felt Threatened but you didn’t care, you smelt the Sweet smell of Success and that was Too Precious - you were Unbroken. Number one team was your goal and Who wants the World when you can own DLA Level 4 - Bless You.

We’ve enjoyed our time with you as our manager and we don’t suppose the Stranglers trips will stop. You’ve travelled around many English Towns where Anything Can Happen, the band have got better with age although don’t think they are Big In America. It was Dreamtime on those trips and there certainly was no Curfew, not a Dry Day was had on those trips they were Just like Nothing On Earth.

You met loads of Stranglettes who knew you weren’t in to commitment they only had one request “For Gods sake Mulster Let Me Down Easy”. You were mindful of this request except for a London Lady who said be mean to Me but that’s a story for another time. You always talked about buying a Motorbike but the trips used up all your Money I’ll be an old Codger soon you said so travel is what you chose to do. The Most eventful trip was definitely Amsterdam - think you took a bit too much Golden Brown on your first day there, you swore you were on a Ghost Train and spotted some scary big Giants, but Hey!! that stuff is strong in Holland.

It would have been wrong to go to Amsterdam without visiting the Princess of the Streets and visit her you did. She was no Duchess that Tramp, but Ugly she was not. You said she was a dead ringer for Debbie Harry but a bit more Norman Normal we knew what you meant. The Northwinds were blowing on the Paradise Row of the red light district as you took off your black shoes and walked in the doorway strange lot you Men In Black. That European Female said she grew up Outside Tokyo and was a Pin Up in her day. Sometimes girls lie to you but not half as much as Dagenham Dave. Now you said you weren’t Choosy Susie but you loved that Amsterdam girl, you said you lasted All Day And All Of The Night but we suspect you only lasted 5 Minutes. Go Buddy Go she screamed as you reached Paradise, you told her I would like Someone Like You but sometimes you don’t get what you want.. The European girl said You Hold The Key To My Love In Your Hands but you soon informed her that’s not a key in my hands love so stop being Blue Sister.

You managed to come back from Amsterdam without Crabs and soon after your return Wee Kate said Do You Wanna go to the Falls, Fools Rush Out you thought but as cold as Ice you announced you would be leaving us Time Was Once On Your Side you said but I’m leaving for pastures new. 96 Tears were shed that day although Jim said Lets Celebrate - he has a Poisonality that boy. So your going Uptown to the Falls Road - only Fifteen Steps away although Phil said All Roads Lead To Rome up there. Jim said to Email him pictures of the girls when you get up there Nice N Sleazy our Jim. Christine says stop sending her work when she's not here. Barbara said, well actually I don’t have enough room to tell you what Barbara said. Margaret said show me your Sonic Screwdriver one last time. Helen said thank you so feckin' much for inflicting that stupid team on me I’ve had to waste my time training them all day and they still ask the same stupid questions. Mandy says I really couldn’t have possibly worked any slower. Phil said Failte to the Falls his Irish Language course has been Thrown Away. Golden Boy Gary wants to know what he’s going to do at lunchtime. Tanya says Happy Christmas in case she doesn’t see you before then. John said tell me when he's gone so I can take my earphones out.

Joking aside, no point Burning Up Time - so Adios its been a pleasure working with you. Goodbye Toulouse no point in Hanging Around and spending your life In the Shadows In This Place known as DLA. Instead of This spread your wings, you’re a Man of The Earth so you will go Never to Look Back. Your successor is Top Secret but don’t worry, enjoy your walks up the Falls. Hopefully it will be Always the Sun like another Camden Afternoon. Go easy on your staff up there - actually don’t, they might as well go through we have had to. The Girls Peaches up there will not be as half as good as the girls here and you’ve no idea how much I had to stop myself from including my favourite title at that point -Tits - just shows you must have taught us something from all that dignity at work chat. So enjoy you time up there remember no Lies and Deception cos you’ll always Reap What You Sow .

Although you advise Never Say Goodbye I hope you at least let us buy you a Yellowcake. So enjoy your last few days in DLA hopefully you leave with some good memories and you and have made some good friends along the way. It definitely is the beginning of a new era, not the Last Tango In Paris. You may be Wired up but aren’t we all there ain't No More Heroes, but you’ve definitely done a heroes job getting a pack of Tits like us to do some work in the middle of all the talking. Keep in touch we know it’s a small team your going to but It Only Takes Two to Tango - Boom Boom. We hope you’ll walk down and visit us on a bright summers day it will help you turn a Golden Brown colour (we know its your favourite song so we just had to mention it twice).

All the Best Boss

NWA S/S Team



Bunch of wankers - they nearly made me regret leaving!!
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by bellainblack »

Fair play that took someone a lot work.....brilliant !

Here's my noticeboard at work...
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She was poetry in a world that was still learning the alphabet....
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by theraven1979 »

Nice one Mully - I hope your team know those songs otherwise they'll have thought the bloke reading them out was having a bit of a turn!

Jim
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MULLY
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by MULLY »

theraven1979 wrote:Nice one Mully - I hope your team know those songs otherwise they'll have thought the bloke reading them out was having a bit of a turn!

Jim
Not sure they do know them all - however, as I have never (intentionally) rammed the band down their throats, for my Friday leaving do, I have prepared a selection of the songs featured in the diatribe. A mixture of my favourites (Goodbye Toulouse, BUT), songs that will undoubtedly freak them out as non-punk Stranglers (Small World, Too Precious) but spread throughout the band's career from Rattus to Giants. 22 tracks in all. A CD mix to thank them for their thoughtfulness.

I was actually surprised by the use of Mulster!! No-one but youse lot call me that LOL
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by theraven1979 »

I usually keep it quiet where I work but after a year or two people pick up on it "what you saw them last week didn't you? You're off to see em again?!"

Jim
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It taught me how to laugh again"
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Post by elvisintheclouds »

Nice send off Mully, thanks for sharing.
Thank you very much
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by unbroken69 »

Best of luck in your new role Mully, but will you still be able to sneak off for those many "5 Minutes" smoke breaks?

Incidentally, in my last job I hadn't realised that I had let it be known that I was a Stranglers fan, but was pleasantly surprised on my last day when the team brought in a cake shaped as a rat with the Stranglers logo on it. With them being Spanish, they also took the time to learn and sing Adios. We must be an endearing bunch. :smt006
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by ThruBeingCool »

To The Mulster from Ulster, good luck with your new career. Never to look back!

See ya on tour no doubt.
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by zamaguire »

Hope the holidays are good in your new job.
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by evonx »

I trust it's not the same there Since you Went Away?




Sorry - anyway at my goodbye dinner party some years ago my direct colleague made a fun speech in which about a dozen times she said "but let's not mention the stranglers" :lol:
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by pigeon »

Good luck with your new Job Mully, i think your colleagues have bought that Song tshirt with the Rat and all the song titles on it!.
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Re: THE STRANGLERS INFILTRATE THE WORKPLACE

Post by Bag Lady »

A good speech. You know they'll all be slacking next week without you cracking the whip :smt079

Enjoy the new challenges.
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