Crap Joke No.83840370

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jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason » 04 Sep 2018, 23:56

Walking down the street today, I slipped in some dog poo.
A minute later, a little old woman did the exact same.
I went up to her, slightly smiling, and said
"I just did that!"
She then punched me in the face and called me a dirty man! 😲

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 17 Sep 2018, 10:40

A woman walks into a Newcastle hairdresser's and asks "Can I have a perm please?"

"Aye, nee problem pet" says the hairdresser. "Ah wandered lernley as a clood....."
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

jason
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by jason » 17 Sep 2018, 19:48

I tried to take my car for a service this morning but I could not get it through the church doors!

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 09 Oct 2018, 10:37

They told me I would never be good at poetry because of my dyslexia.

I've had the last laugh though. So far, I’ve made three jugs and a vase....
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 12 Oct 2018, 10:44

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Philippe Flop
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Summer Dreamer » 24 Oct 2018, 15:32

A friend was telling me about popular dog breeds these days, like the Cockapoo - a Cocker Spaniel / poodle cross - and the Labradoodle - a Labrador / Poodle cross.

I said I fancy getting a cross between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu... but I'm not too sure what to call it... :smt003
'Scaffolding pays good bread'

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Red Eye Ray
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by Red Eye Ray » 04 Nov 2018, 15:43

Was gonna go and see the new Queen film Bohemian Rhapsody the other day, but alas it wasn't to be! "THEY JUST WOULD NOT LET ME GO!" :cry: :roll:
AT THE END OF THE DAY.........ITS NIGHT!!

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 08 Nov 2018, 11:59

My mate went to the zoo and saw a baguette in one of the cages. He asked the zoo keeper what was going on and the keeper replied "It's bread in captivity".
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PJayBe
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PJayBe » 08 Nov 2018, 16:18

I'm currently doing an assignment for my Latin course, and cannot for the life of me remember what the Roman numerals are for 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500. I'm livid.

PJayBe
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by PJayBe » 08 Nov 2018, 16:23

Hello, You've called The Incontinence Hotline ....... Can you hold please??

droopsnoot
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by droopsnoot » 01 Dec 2018, 20:06

I phoned up my fruit machine manufacturer.

I said, "My fruit machine isn't working".

The lady said, "Can you hold?"

I said, "No, it won't even let me nudge".
http://www.firenza.net - my homage to a seventies Vauxhall

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theraven1979
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Re: Crap Joke No.83840370

Post by theraven1979 » 01 Dec 2018, 21:07

Get out!!! :lol:

Jim
PJayBe wrote:
08 Nov 2018, 16:18
I'm currently doing an assignment for my Latin course, and cannot for the life of me remember what the Roman numerals are for 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500. I'm livid.
"I bathed in sun and walked in rain
It taught me how to laugh again"

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