Dear Parents,
as another term reaches its half way mark, and due to requests, I am pleased to be able to issue this interim report in order to let you know what developments have occured this term. May I thank you all for your continued support, and long may we remain true to the school motto:
"CNUTS OBBSESIVEIA RATTUS NORVEGICUS".
Many of you may be aware that the school govenors have recently provided us with the opportunity to observe their own hard work through a series of field trips. These trips have been enthusiastically attended by all the pupils, and have in some cases been over subscibed, leading to one or two pupils regretting not putting their names down early. We have been lucky this term, in having the services of a former govenor and school founder. And he was able to provide a valuable alternative to the present curriculem. He was acompanied by his young assistant, and she provided a great deal of interest to many of the boys who have a particular leaning towards human biology, a subject, I understand, that this young lady has a natural talent for.
GENERAL BEHAVIOR:
I am pleased to report that the general standard of behavior is high, with only one unfortunate incident leading to a pupil being expelled. I am a keen advocate of the old tradition of a sound thrashing thrice nightly, and I must take this opertunity to thank matron for her assistance.
Many of the pupils have been keen to follow my example, and the sound of cane against buttock can often be heard throughout these hallowed halls. I was however somewhat disapointed by the disgusting behavior of person or persons unknown, which has resulted in stains all over the parquet flooring.
HISTORY:
Due to staffing problems in the past, I had no alternative but to curtail certain activities, and modern history was dropped from the curriculem. However, following pressure from a number of pupils, this has been reinstated this term, and is in fact proving to be the most popular subject. In order to assist me, I have appointed several members of the upper sixth as prefects, and they are always keen to "stay behind and help with the drill". They have been rewarded with free milk in their coffee breaks and long holidays in the summer.
DEBATING:
Some of the newer pupils seem to lack confidence and are reluctant to put their hands up and let themselves be heard, while many of the older boys and girls continue to be vociferous in their opinions, thus ensuring that this remains a forum for mass debating.
SPORTS:
The introduction of the old Celtic sport of "Unbroken" this term, has raised some interest, and appears to be welcomed by the school govenors. Though I suspect that it may be short lived, in the same manner as "red Socks" which is now all but forgotten, and prior to that, "Gobbing" which I hope will remain a distant memory. The perrenial favourite "Pogoing" will continue to be the favoured sport of this school, and I am pleased to say that we have a number of talented exponents in the first XI.
ENGLISH:
Some pupils continue to struggle with their spelling and punctuation and must try harder. I am pleased to note that some of the brighter boys and girls are eager to correct the less grammatically developed, and it would seem that we are blessed with our fair share of clever dicks.
GEOGRAPHY:
We are fortunate to have amongst us, a number of pupils from overseas, some of whom are eagerly awaiting a visit from the school govenors to their own countries. Many of the pupils here are planning foreign exchange visits for early next year, And I hope that the oportunity will not be missed to visit the birthplace of the schools patron saint, SAINT STELLA OF ARTOIS, and sample the holy waters. Many of the pupils have embraced this practice rather too enthusiastcally in the past, and have as a result, made themselves ill. I suspect that this is a practice that can be expected to continue.
LATIN:
It would appear that the govenors are keen to promote the subject and have taken the opertunity to publish their own latest report featuring this language. This has given several pupils the opertunity to carry out some research of their own. As regards this school, "QUOT HOMINES, TOT SENTENIAE" as I am sure many of you will agree.
report to parents
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report to parents
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