Burning Up Time - The Stranglers and Hugh Cornwell Unofficial Forums

Janet Street Porter walks into a bar and says to the barman "could I have a large aperitif?"

The barman says "I wouldn’t have thought so love."

I was at the supermarket buying essential products earlier on, and I saw the remaining Chuckle Brother near the frozen food section.

I wanted to get a selfie with him, but as I approached him he put his arm out and said "Oi! Two metres, you."

In a similar fashion to the NHS appreciation the other night, tomorrow there will be a request for everyone to stand on their doorstep and give a clap for all the delivery drivers out there doing their bit.

The applause will take place any time between 6AM and 9PM.

I bought a map of the world. I pinned it to the wall and said to my wife “Here, throw this dart at it, wherever it lands, I’ll take you there once all this virus business is finished”.

Turns out we’re spending a fortnight behind the fridge.

Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19. Prince Andrew is isolating at Buckingham Palace with Jennifer-14

… but live, going by you tube video, they just sound a load of noise to me. That's probably just youtube users recording quality - loads of Stranglers videos are rotten quality on there as well. I saw them locally once or twice - in the 2000s - and they were pretty good. Sound was certainly better ...

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize i...

Just turned down a job I was offered in the Middle East.

They tried to make me go to Riyadh but I said no, no , no.

I'm guessing there were some more posts that have since been removed. If it were just about the earlier one, I'd have thought that would have been removed too - it would otherwise seem strange that it would sit there for a few days, then someone would notice it, comment on it and the member be block...

Two conjoined twins walk into an airport bar in the USA and one of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two beers please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "So, where...

In the middle of winter, a farmer goes out on the hillside to a remote field and finds that all his cows are frozen solid. He doesn't know what to do, so he gets down on his knees, closes his eyes and prays for a solution. When he opens his eyes, a little old lady stands in front of him. She waves h...

Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar. "Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?" "Gee, that's the memory man,&...